Maria Athena

12:58 pm: Success
By setting 10 different alarms (8 of them being alarms on two different cell phones) and setting my coffee machine to brew automatically, I managed to pull myself out of bed at 8:00 AM today.  I think I'm going to try to do this every day for the rest of the semester.  Not only are mornings beautiful, cool, and crisp, but waking up this early actually feels like I am getting a fresh start-- as opposed to waking up at 10:00 or 11:00 and feeling like I am behind already!  The only problem is that I sleep more deeply than a hibernating bear, but it appears that 10 alarms do the trick.  Less embarassing than having a friend try to do the trick, because apparently I spew economic terms incoherently when I first wake up. 

I had an amazing weekend-- I went in with an old libertarian friend for Cuban food on Friday night (nothing like talking politics over mojitos with good latin music in the backround) and then a friend's father took a bunch of us out for Italian food on Saturday night.  Both sides of my ethnicity are satisfied. 

There also was a great conference on international relations this weekend with some of the best speakers I have seen here-- including academics who could be funny.  There was one who spoke about his distinguished career with the government:         .  The irony was that he was promoted each time.  Nevertheless, he had many profound things to say about the potential for terrorists to get nuclear weapons and some ingenious deterrent methods (including scientific methods to determine where the terrorists got the fissile material, and then threatening that we would hold that country responsible).  And I got to hear Professor Kurth speak for what will probably be the last time.  I'm going to miss that.

All in all, it was an exceptional weekend-- now it's time to go back to the daily grind.

It is a little ironic to be burying myself in the library basement in light of the crunch of studying for honors just when it is getting to be so gorgeous out.  Here is to the last month and a half of busting ass in my college career....

12:36 pm: I still hate the IRS, but at least they put classical music on when they put you on hold

I've decided I'm going to do my taxes early this year. And I have plenty of down time with Spring break!  But now I'm on hold so I figured I'd do a quick post.

I just got back from NYC last night after spending a very long weekend with my second-aunt (ie my dad's cousin).  I really enjoy spending time with her-- in some ways we are very similar.  She likes accounting and politics, and is an accountant for UN peacekeeping missions.  She also worked on Wall Street for a while (like I did) and taught for a while (like I will be doing).   Also single (like I probably will remain), and her relationship with her family members is very similar-- she's the one who looks out for everyone and likes to take people out to do special things.  She'll go visit somewhere and bring back more souveneirs for her family members than for herself, which is what I tend to do.  Anyway, I had a great weekend hanging out with her and eating a lot of good Cuban food.

I also watched Amistad over the weekend, which was amazing.  I'm  a sucker for movies about American History  and movies about legal battles, so this was probably the best movie I watched all year.  I also had no idea who John Quincy Adams was, other than the fact that he was Adams' son, but I was glad to learn more about him.   

Anyway, I'm no longer on hold, so I'm going to go be a responsible citizen.  And then on to hopefully a very productive work week.

11:18 am: I want a Socrates hiking!!!!
Though the home schooling zebras sound a little scary, any man who would get me Socrates, four Thomas Aquinas(es) and three Jewish boys (he and I would have an understanding) for Christmas would definitely would be my true love.

12:45 am: Home at last :)
I'm home!!! Back to sharing a room with my little sister (I'm actually keeping it clean for once... or maybe that's just part of my procrastinating tactic).

Lots of cookie-eating, bedtime reading to my brother, seeing of the old friends from high school or calling them and plotting to see them, discovering old clothes that I forgot I had, arguing with my two sisters who drive over how we will share our one car, late night talking with my mother, and PROCRASTINATING has occured.

The procrastination is for my paper that is due Friday. I want this book, Knowledge and Politics, by Roberto Unger to be read prontisimo.  Unfortunately, based on revealed preferences and my current actions, I clearly don't want to read it.  

So tonight is a stake out.  I have 120 more pages to go.  And I'm not going to sleep until its done.

In other news, I officially got the email from the ex saying that he never wants to talk to me again.   Not only is this the first time where 5 months after a break up I am not on good terms with the ex, but this was clearly my fault and something I should have anticipated.  When we were first flirting, I remember him being very upset about an incident with the previous ex, and him not talking to her because of it.  I remember being surprised by his reaction and thinking it was unwarranted-- but I should have been more cautious of not repeating the same, even if I didn't agree with his reaction, for the sake of our friendship.   And I failed to exercise that caution.  So now the only option is to permanently forget.  And accept the fact that I now know there is someone out there who actively hates me.  

The fact that I need to take responsibility for this and have no excuses reminds me just what a burden human agency can be.  Someone can be in love with you and think the world of you, and your choice of one action alone can completely reverse all those good feelings.  But then again, it is because of human agency that we can inspire such admiration in the first place.

I've been listening to the "Sadder but Wiser Girl for Me" song from music man a lot lately.

02:18 am: Sex in the City time...
Because my friends mostly are studying for finals and doing final papers (I should be doing that final philsophy paper, but I have a week to do it), they eventually all had gone to bed/retreated to their rooms earlier than usual, and I wasn't tired. Perhaps not being tired has something to do with the fact that I didn't wake up until 3:00 PM today. I haven't done that since high school!

Anyway, so tonight I decided to do something I haven't done since last year-- I sat up late watching Sex in the City episodes. Back then, the episodes had this weird role of letting me forget any desires I had to be in a relationship by just, while I was watching, completely enjoying thinking about other womens' fake relationships or relationship trouble. TV typically has played a role for me of letting me take my mind off of what is on hand, so I guess I watched a show about dating and sex to take my mind off of the fact that none is happening in my life. It was just the therapeutic thing I used to do.

It was different tonight though. Mostly I'm disgusted by it. I'm disgusted by the fact that the women can take the relationships or men so flippantly and the one who refuses to do so is completely naive about the men and scarily desparate to get married. Sure, it still is fun to see what new Jimmy Choo shoes Carrie has or look at the outfits, or see some absolutely gorgeous men, but it just leaves me with a weird taste in my mouth (hmmm.... not a good term to throw around given that one episode was about a guy with funky spunk). I knew that about them before and used to laugh at it rather than want to emulate them, but perhaps it is too close to home now. It scares me because I worry that I could easily fall into either of those two categories if I let myself veer to either extreme-- and I'm too scared of it for it to take my mind off my own life anymore-- instead, it just turns my mind to thinking about my own life.

I'll probably still watch. It is a little addicting. But its just different this time around. Perhaps now I just see too much of a person I could become in them.

Moving to the topic of REAL relationships, I just found out that a friend from high school (though not from my high school) is seriously considering dating this one girl. He's been single through most of college, so I am very excited for him and look forward to seeing how this will develop. He called to ask me for advice (probably not a good move on his part) and it was neat to talk through it with him.

Meh... this is all kitty blogging. But again, this is livejournal. What do you expect?

10:44 am: Huge update...its been awhile
This is purely one of those functional updates to let people know what has happened to me since May 2005 and now... God, that is a long time ago.

So I spent that summer 2005 in DC, and came to two important realizations: I don't want to work in a think tank (at this stage in my life) nor am I as libertarian as I thought I was. I started thinking about some of the cultural implications of everything being market based (in terms of our values as a society) and realized that a lot of the things that are really important to me-- family, an education for its own sake, virtue, promoting heroism and magnanimity, and finally promoting a sense of belonging and connection to something bigger than the individual-- just are not supported adequately by the policies that follow from libertarianism. I still have great sympathies and even vast agreement with a few libertarians, namely Hayek, Fred Meyers, and Milton Friedman (RIP), but don't classify myself as one any longer. I'm an out of the closet Conservative-- not as conservative as the people I was working with at Heritage, but I definitely have the tendencies to at least be CONCERNED about some of the issues (before taking into account feasibility).

I came back to Swarthmore and took a class which made me very sure of what I want to do with the rest of my life, on Industrial Organization and Public Policy. It was all about antitrust and competition policy. My goal is become an antitrust lawyer, and then eventually transition into appelate/constituitonal law working on regulatory issues, and then to become a law professor who looks at both the economic and cultural implications of federalism. Seem simple enough? After law school, I'm also going to try for clerkships with judicial rockstars like Richard Posner and Clarence Thomas (indeed he is very conservative, but the most important issues to him are federalism and regulatory issues, so it would be amazing to work with him). Easier said then done, but it feels good to have a sense of direction.

I then spent Christmas break falling for someone more than I ever had before. I told people that this was the sort of person I thought I could marry, and didn't imagine that ANY problems could have come up. My optimism was a little embarassing in retrospect, since I like to think I'm a relatively realistic (and even cynical) person, but it was good for me to know that I had the capacity to feel for someone like I did and to have that sort of hope. We broke up because I need someone who can understand me and not dislike the person I want to be, and so did he. I want someone who will criticize me and help me to be a better person. But he wanted me to be someone I'm not meant to be, nor should I be. And I felt like I was doing the same thing to him. I also needed someone more mature and more willing to show affection-- perhaps a reflection of my own boringness at times or insecurity. Maybe I was being idealistic and looking for Mr. Right-- but I'm not willing to settle. Not yet, at least.

I spent a semster at Oxford then falling in love with the place. It was charming to walk through the buildings and think about all the famous and inspiring people who had walked there as well. I studied Adam Smith in the exact place that Smith studied. I traveled around Europe for 6 weeks doing the hostel hopping and cannot believe the beauty in the world that man has created. Almost a year later, I still am in awe.

I came back and spent a summer working at an investment bank in NY. I turned down a job offer of a salary that could have been $140K a year, because I don't want to do something that doesn't interest me and isn't intellectually stimulating. I should have known that going into the internship, but it was amazing to get that sort of insight into that lifestyle and see how a big investment bank makes as much money as it does. Normal time for leaving work at night: 2:00 AM. And I had to be back by 9:00 AM sharp the next day. I also learned that I am addicted to feeling productive. I wouldn't mind working that hard in the future-- as long as it is doing something that I care about.

Now I'm finishing up senior year. Its a little bit crazy... I can remember so well coming here as a freshman. I still feel like I have so much left to learn, and they are kicking me out. I guess that is what life is for?

This semester has been amazing because the priority has been my friends. I want to nurture my friendships as much as I can and really spend as much time with my friends here, because it may be the last year that I will be living near any of them. I'm going to miss college and dorm life and being able to knock on my friends' doors at 1:30 AM to just hang out, sip a corona, and talk about life. My friends are such amazing people wiht diverse interests. One will be going into the Marine corps next year as an officer. One is a Truman scholar. Another is an expert on China and our foreign policy on China. Another is going to be the Democrat's Karl Rove a few years from now, although his dad is McCain's campaign economic adviser. Another is just as obsessed with politics as I am, and he and I have this 50 yr old bickering married couple dynamic going on that is just too much fun. Another two are econ majors who see everything in terms of economics, and we all collectively decided to raid an advanced philosophy seminar together this semester. I think I have learned so much more from my friends than I have frm my classes, and I am glad that I decided to make them a priority in my life. My biggest regret in high school is that I was not proactive in cultivating friendships, and I am glad that I have not repeated that mistake.

So next year I'll either be teaching for Mr. B or Mr. E (yeah 9th grade humane letters!), and am talking to DR. B now about him hiring me, since he is the coordinator for Great Hearts' hiring. Or I will be in DC at an economic consulting firm working on antitrust cases. We'll see what the future brings. Either I will be in a stimulating work environment in the best city in the world, or I will be home with those I love most (can you believe my little brother is 11 years old????). I can't complain about that.

Now that I'm all caught up, I'm going to make an effort to post in this more often!!!

02:04 am: Must update more
Hmmm.... its gotten to the point that I update this so rarely, that I really do not know why I keep it in the first place. Maybe its in the hope that I will update it more regularly.

I've been home for the past few weeks! Since May 8th, thanks to my sweet Constitutional Law professor who let me take the final from home (which went wonderfully... I got to write a long essay on why originalism rocks and complaining about commerce clause jurisprudence, as well as an essay saying why Amar is so darn brilliant in "The Bill of Rights"). I managed to catch the last week of non-100 degree weather here, and to spend a lot of time with my little brother.

The time has gone by pretty quickly. A lot of the time, I've been babysitting for a family I used to babysit in high school. They pay well, which is nice, and its great to see the girls so grown up. Makes me feel old. I've also been buying summer clothes. I now own four suits (though one is white, and so I'm not sure if it is Heritage Foundation appropriate), and after I buy two more, I should be good. I also did a crazy run on Saturday, since all the Goodwill stores were 50% off. I went to 8 different thrift stores, and was shopping from 9:00 in the morning til 9:00 at night, with a lunch break for watching Meet the Fockers with Grassy. I love that movie... makes me wish I were Jewish even more. But I found plenty of nice clothes for the internship at the thrift stores. Thrift stores are so much fun, as long as you stay away from the used lingerie section.

Today I just got back from Tucson visiting Kevin and his mom. Ironically, in all the years where I have had friends there, I've never visited, but Kevin somehow convinced me to hop on Greyhound (yuck) and go there for a day. I swear its the Southern drawl. I had fun bantering with him about religious issues and St. Thomas (I really go through with withdrawal for religious discussions after Swat). I also went out to dinner with him and some of the grad students he'll be studying with next year, and it was interesting to hear them talk. Good intro to what grad school will be like :) I can't wait. Kevin is as talkative as ever, which is hilarious as ever. It was also hilarious to see how he has no common sense smarts whatsoever. I guess academics tends to do that to you.

I'm out... need to work on a long overdue thank you letter.

04:06 pm: Since all the cool people are doing it

Your Brain is 26.67% Female, 73.33% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

Of course, its hard to resist commenting on the sheer absurdity of the use of some of these questions to determine whether someone has a male or female brain- like "You could marry for money... if the person was a billionaire. True or False? The whole promoting understanding vs. promoting a position thing is also weighted way too heavily.

2 hours of sleep... yipppee! Energy drink, here I come.

05:59 pm: Beginning of Spring Break
So I'm still at Swat for spring break. This is for a variety of reasons:

1) I have tons of Constitutional Law reading to catch up on, and a desire to get ahead over break. Staying here is more conducive to that... Arizona people who I haven't seen for a very long time can be highly distractive.
2) The War News Radio program needs people to do broadcasts over break
3) Swatties relaxed are a lot of fun... and a rare sight
4) I could actually go to a debate tournament if I stayed here
5) Matt is staying here (though that mattered to me a lot more then than now)
6) I have all my exams on the first day of the exam period, so I could stay here and start getting ahead early so i will actually have time to study, and then go home on the 6th of may a week and a half before everyone else and not be depressed about doing poorly on tests
6) All of those factors made me pull a Hamlet about the matter until ticket prices went up to $500, which became the deciding factor.

So I am here, and have decided that not only will I be getting at least 8 hours of sleep everynight (I started this out well by getting 17 hours last night, with the only interruption of driving a friend to the airport), going to the gym for at least an hour and a half everyday (I just spent two hours there) and having only one cup of coffee per day (this is going to be the hardest... I had massive caffeine migraines today).

I just found out today that Russ (guy I met while specking at Kenyon two years ago and still have kept in touch with) is coming by tonight, since his friends and him are doing a massive road trip over the break. It will be very fun to see him, and we will find out how many people can fit into my single. Also, Graciela is coming up to Philly for her senior trip, so I will get to see her then! I am very excited about that.

Even though I have tons of reading for con law to do, i don't mind at all because it is so good. The book I'm reading now, The bill of Rights by Akhil Reed Amar, is my second favorite book that I have read since I came here. It is all about what the Bill of Rights meant when the founders first created it and how the 14th amendment changed it. What I love about the book- and also the class- is that Amar uses very detailed analysis of history to back up his points, so I am learning a great deal about American history in reading it. In addition, I love his method of parsing all the individual amendments by paying close attention to the word choice and the phrases, but also how he sees the entire Constitution as a whole and evaluates each amendment within the context of the entire Constitution. Also, he is somewhat obsessed with political structures, which is good for me because so am I.

Anyway, I'm off to take a post-gym shower, which is one of the best things in life.

11:55 pm: Quick post
What's happened this weekend:

1) I've realized how much I love Scalia's judicial philosophy. Whether or not he applies it consistently is debateable (I still have yet to read many of his opinions) but I loved reading Issues of Interpretation. Sorry Nora.

2) They Might be Giants were very fun to watch (they came here on Saturday). Moshing with Eric was even more fun. Nerdy rock and nerdy moshing make me happy.

3) There is a bottle of Bellini Chianti wine sitting on my dresser, thanks to Greg. Its relatively cheap wine, but it will be good for celebrating the Macroeconomics midterm being over (a little late, though- I'll have to wait til sunday since I gave up alcohol for lent. I was considering giving up coffee, and then got realistic). It looks much better than the free handle of Banker's Value Vodka, which some random person threw in my room. I'm not sure that I could get buzzed enough to drink such cheap vodka. Though some people have suggested Brita filters for cheap vodka and I may take them up on that offer.

4) MR B is headmaster to be at Tempe Prep! This means that I will get to work for my favorite teacher (even more than the E, ignoring the whole crush thing) ever when I go back there to work, in addition to getting to teach my little sister Greek (she is going to have soooooooooooooo much fun correcting every single little mistake that I make... some bribery may ensue). I am also so excited because I think he, more than any other teacher at TPA, has an idea of what TPA means that really represents perfectly what a lot of other students who have graduated and I really learned to love about the school, including seeing giving students a lot of responsibility as one of the core reasons for why a TPA education works, and his desire to really encourage students to question their own beliefs and assumptions. I think that he will really help push TPA in the right way- he's the type who is not afraid to step on the toes of the quickly growing subset of the religious right/christian fundamentalist population who dislike thinking/questioning beliefs and seem to be taking over TPA. I'm so excited about graduating and going to teach there- this instantaneously solved my dilemna about which __PA I should teach at (I like dangling prepositions more than two prepositions in a row). So this means that, other than getting in U Chicago, Columbia, or Harvard Law, senior year is going to be easy! (and anyone who didn't detect the sarcasm in that deserves to be shot). Well anyway, at least I get to avoid the whole "I have no idea where I am going to work!!!!!" syndrome.

5) My favorite Mormon here (who happens to be the only one I know) gave me horrible advice to watch Mystery Men. That was a waste of a Friday night, though Peter, Anna, Mike and I all had fun mocking it.

6) I went to a mass at someone's house who lives in the Borough of Swarthmore. Its a group of Catholic swarthmore residents who attend churches in the area outside of Swarthmore (apparently there is a law on the books that there can be no Catholic churches in the Borough of Swarthmore, despite the fact that there is a Quaker meeting house and a Presbyterian Church). It was so wonderful to see CHILDREN again!!!! (no I am not a pedophile). The people were so wonderful to talk to, and told us that we can come to any of our events. I am so excited about being involved in a Catholic community again. And they even promised us some babysitting jobs!

7) Matt and I are going to see an orchestra concert later on in the semester. Should be fun. Yay for culture, and for opportunities to wear a really pretty dress.

8) 1,200 pages of reading for one week of constitutional law (many of which have yet to be read). And I have a 15 page paper due next week. :)

9) This isn't really an event, but I am so excited about minoring in Kuperberg (an awesome old, liberal, Jewish, Keynes-suckled Econ prof here who I will be taking 5 out of my 10 econ credits with). He is awesome, especially because he says stuff like this:

---------------------------------------
Kuperberg: [Insert some Economic situation] What would happen?
Student: Whatever you wanted?
Kuperberg: No, this is not English literature, there are actually right and wrong answers here.
--------------------------------------

10) I get to research the current status of property rights in Iraq and interview Hernando de Soto for the Radio Iraq program (or, if it proves more interesting, a story about the real estate market in Iraq and what red tape is involved, which is a subset of the first one). I'll post the link to the show as soon as it is up and running on a daily basis. For now, anyone who wants should go listen to the pilot:
http://www.swarthmore.edu/news/releases/05/radio_iraq.html
I'm somewhere in there about 20 minutes in.

11) And this is absolutely no surprise:

You Are A Realist

You are more romantic than 10% of the population. When it comes to romance, you tend to take a realistic approach. You believe that love takes time, and it's something you have to work hard for. A bit cynical, over the top romance tends to get under your skin. Your heart is difficult to win ... but it's totally worth it.

Its back to work for me!